Unswervingly, but not.

Over the past week, I feel as though I have somehow been brought back to the place I was in last time this year. Last year, when I was preparing to move to the Philippines and start this journey, I was so excited, hopeful, and invested in the road ahead, but I also struggled with quite a bit of doubt. I had $15,000 to raise in 3 months. A task that seemed impossible. I often felt very overwhelmed by that number and it was a challenge to live in faith that this would come to fruition. I am again feeling very challenged by this task, even though the number is now a smaller $6,500 left to raise for this semester. I wish I could say that I always trust completely that I will again see provision and will be able to go back to finish this task, but honestly, I don't. I'm human. My faith falters. Doubt creeps in. Distrust overwhelms.

As I was driving into the Soo from my sister's house 20 minutes outside of town the other day, I was hit with the idea of “what if I can't go back?”. My heart broke and I sobbed as I drove. That was a thought I hadn't faced in a long time, yet it was still hiding somewhere deep in my mind. After the tears and hysterics dried up (thankfully before I got into town and looked like the crazy crying lady in my car), I was able to come to peace in the fact that whatever reality I face in the next few months, it does not change who God is. Doesn't change that he is faithful. Doesn't change that he provides. Doesn't change that he is in control. Doesn't change that I can trust him. The only thing that changes is that I, again and again, learn to live in surrender knowing that his plan is greater.

Daily I am challenged to trust that provision will come. I am always facing my own kind of impossible. It's not comfortable, and it sure isn't fun. But it is stretching, it's character building, and it is so darn amazing when the “impossible” is proven wrong. I woke up this morning determined to live in the possibility rather than not and came across this verse:

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

Unswervingly can be an intense word. I feel a lot more swervingly than un. However, I can hold to the fact that he who promised is faithful. Unswerving means to remain constant and steady. Constant and steady, regardless of the uncertainty surrounding me. Challenging? yes. But through Christ and him alone - possible.

 

I have always promised myself that in walking this journey of support raising, living in the Philippines, serving God on the mission field he has placed me in, and learning to practically share the love of Christ through midwifery care, that I would be honest and transparent. This is what that looks like. I'm not always together, my faith isn't always strong, life isn't perfect - surprise surprise :) But, it is GOOD, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Where it's at:
In order to go back to the Philippines to continue serving and finish my training, I need to raise $6,500 still. That is $1,500 down from my semester goal of $8,000. This is due on Aug 1st. The next fees, of $8,000 again, will be due on Feb 1, 2015. It's a long road ahead, and I know that. But every cent has been provided before and I am believing it will again.
If you are interested in partnering with me, any amount goes a long way! Just click the donate button to the right and let me know if you have any questions. If you would like to chat more about the work being done, I would be more than happy to do so!


Thanks for reading, friends!

A

Culture Shock - sort of

Hi Friends,

These blogs are usually written from my cozy bunk in the Philippines, often after a long day when I feel the desire to unload some stories and catch my Canadian friends and family up. This one is being written from the comfort of my Mom's kitchen. Very different, yet equally special places. I have been back in Canada for 17 days, and have loved every one of them. It is surreal, yet normal to be home. My weeks have been filled with visits, coffee, good food, and lots of travel. I have covered a good bit of Canada in the past 17 days and I am very thankful to have the freedom to do so.

People have asked often how I am dealing with culture shock. To be honest - I'm not. Truly through the grace of God, the adjustment home has been pretty easy. There are some things that shock me a bit, and there may or may not have been a minor meltdown over $6 Greek yogurt at Superstore, but other than that, it is just really great to be here. In preparing to come home I was praying a lot about a smooth transition. While on my long flight home, God spoke to my heart about expectations. I think that has made things so much easier. Canada is not the Philippines and the Philippines is not Canada. Each are beautiful in their own right, and I love them both for that. Things can be appreciated much more when not in constant comparison to something else. More than just with culture shock, that has been a good reminder for me in many areas of my life.

Fundraising:
I am so excited to update that I have now raised $1500 towards my goal of $8000 this semester. Through the generosity of three people, I now only have $6500 left to raise. The remainder of my funds is due August 1st. That date is fast approaching and while my tendency is to stress and worry, somehow I have felt such peace about it. I have so many stories of God's faithfulness to look back on and I know that he will keep adding to those stories.

Will you considering partnering with me over this next year? Your support goes towards the clinic fees that I pay to be there. The clinic fees go directly towards ensuring that our patients can receive excellent midwifery care while also being shown the love of God by practically being his hands and feet in their time of need. Practically loving women through midwifery care has a greater impact than I ever could have imagined, and it is such a privilege to be a part of this.

Your support, whether monthly or one-time, $20 or $2,000, goes so far and is always received with immense gratefulness. You can simply click the "Donate" button to your right, or talk to me if you have any questions at all!

Below is a video that I think does a great job of explaining more about the importance of midwives... It's 3 minutes well spent! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxbL6bF5vxU

Much love,
A

Home Soil

I'm HOME! Sort of.

After a very long, close to three days of travel, I have touched down in beautiful Canada. The unfortunate thing is that I touched down slightly (almost 3 hours) behind schedule which resulted in missing my flight to Kamloops. So here I sit, in the Vancouver airport, with a belly full of a twelve-grain toasted bagel with plain cream cheese, trying to embrace the fact that my trip has not ended as planned. However, it is just an addition to the adventure and after a few meltdowns and more tears in public than I am proud of, I decided I should probably use this time productively (in the hopes that it will go by faster!)!

It's crazy to think that I am actually home... for me anyway. May flew by so quickly and it didn't leave much time to process what it would be like to be here again. Though even if I had the time, I don't know that I would have been any more prepared. I'm sure in a couple days I won't feel like the crazy person sitting here thinking "there are white people everywhere!!!!!".

Since I am going to be seeing most of you wonderful people who read this blog within the next couple months, I don't want to over talk you... but instead would like to share a couple of memorable times from the month of May.

The first was the birth of this adorable girl, Mae Diane. She captured my heart quickly, as well as everyone else around. Despite the cleft lip, she was breastfeeding within minutes, which we were all thrilled to see! I had the chance to visit her and her mom at home last week and was very happy to see how well she was doing. She is gaining weight well, eating like a champ, and looking cute as ever. They are currently moving towards surgery to correct the cleft lip. Prayers for provision regarding this surgery would be so appreciated!

Second was the birth of this other cutie! They named her Alexis Francine. "In remembrance of you ma'am" is what I was told when I asked the name. Such an honor. The birth of Alexis came after a long labor watch. Her mom came in labor around 10:30 of Wednesday morning, and Alexis finally made her appearance at 8:51 of Thursday morning. Her mom was quiet amazing and there were many time that I wondered if she was going to get to the place where she wasn't smiling continually. She did, but not for long. The smiles came back so quick after Alexis was born.

 

 

And last, but not least, little Dan. Or not so little Dan. He is one healthy boy! Everyone spent so much time admiring his baby rolls. We love the chubby babies! His beautiful mother, Mercy, was one of my continuity patients who we ended up having to transport due to PROM and mec staining. Dan was delivered by CS, and as you can see is doing so well! This was his 6 week check and I was so thrilled to be able to see them before I left. During their visit, Mercy asked me if I would like to be one of Dan's Godparents : ) It is truly such a special thing to be a little part of this time in someones life, and to see that continue even past their 6 week check. It's an honor.

 

 

 

 

I love looking back over all the babies and mothers I have met in the past year and am excited for what the coming year holds. The miraculous provision that has occurred through out my time so far in the Philippines has amazed and humbled me. I am so grateful for everyone who generously support this time. I am excited to let you know that so far, $1,000 has been raised toward my goal for the next semester. That means there is only $7,000 to go! I'm sure "only" might not be the word that comes to mind, and it isn't naturally the word for me either. However, what is a huge sum to me is pennies to God. He has been so faithful, and he will continue to be faithful. Of that, I am sure!

 

Your continued prayers for provision would be so appreciated. If you would like to support in anyway, you can click the "Donate" button, or just ask me and we can figure out what is easiest.

 

Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this!

 

Much love,

A

 

 





Countdowns

25 days friends! But who's counting ;)
In a very short while I get to jump on a plane home to see family and friends, drink coffee, meet my niece, celebrate a wedding, wear scarves, eat the food I've been missing, etc (these are not listed in order of importance). I'm sad to leave my home here for two months, but am certainly grateful for the blessing of a break.

Since booking my flights home for the summer, there has been this unwritten list of "big things" that were happening before I came home. It included things like how many assignments were left, going to Davao, going to Sta Ana, visitors coming up from Davao, and last but certainly not least, Edolbina (my fellow first year and dear friend) having her baby. Well, that last one has happened!! On April 29th, in the wee hours of the morning, I had the immense privilege of helping to welcome baby Ariel to the world. The story is Edol's to share, but I will say that I am so thankful to have been a small part of this moment in her life. I am thrilled for her and Andrew and their new addition. So thrilled, in fact, that I must share a picture.

Ari - 2 days old

With home being on the mind, there are a couple prayer requests to include:

• I plan to be in the Soo for about one month (June 16th - July 15th), and then in St. Catharine's for the couple weeks following, before I head back. Some travel plans may be changing and while I was supposed to have a vehicle for those weeks, that may no longer be possible. While I understand that it is a lot to ask, I also know that it never hurts to ask as God is a God of details and this is one he can take care of! :) If you are able to help out in this, or know of someone who may be able to, please let me know! And in the meantime, can you please pray with me that these details would work out?

• Finances for the next semester. As I talked about in my last blog, I am needing to raise $8,000 for the next portion of my time here (Aug 1-Feb 1). This amount goes towards my clinic fees, as well as a very small amount for living expenses. My clinic fees go directly towards ensuring that Abundant (the clinic I work, live, and train at) can continue to provide exceptional midwifery care to the women of Tabuk and surrounding villages. For more information, click here. Every $ counts. When broken down, my goal could be reached if just 200 people donated $40! Would you consider being one of those people?

• As time goes on and financial deadlines come up again, doubt creeps into my mind more than I'd like to admit. I have absolutely no reason to doubt that God will provide everything, as he has time and time again. I have no reason to doubt his faithfulness. Yet, there are days when I look at what needs to happen and feel completely overwhelmed. So, I'm asking for your prayer in that. Please pray that doubt would not be a factor, that there would be complete assurance in his provision, and that I would feel encouraged instead of overwhelmed.

• Pray for the midwives here at Abundant. I am going to miss these amazing women while I am home! My first year here would not have been the positive experience it has been if it were not for every one of them. They have blessed my life so much! They are each incredibly skilled midwives, they have such patience with teaching, and they graciously welcome new people into their home quite often. They are also just a blast to hang out with! Please pray for continued blessing over each of their lives : )

Thank you for your prayers, your support, and for taking the time to read this. It means a lot!

Much love,
A

Adventures, Fundraising, and Faithfulness

I'm sitting here with a blank mind, staring at my computer screen thinking "where on earth do I start?". I guess this should be my lesson to not leave so many weeks between blog posts : ) The past 6 weeks have flown by, as per usual. March brought the excitement of the birth of my beautiful niece Charlotte, a twin birth(so amazing!), a trip to the beach with the whole gang, one of our staff midwives giving birth to her first baby, and our longest assignment yet! April hasn't slowed down much either as we have been busy with fellow classmates from Davao visiting. After spending time in Davao, it's really exciting to have girls come up here too and get an idea for how we live. We may all be learning the same things, but our day to day lives are very different.

Maybe pictures will be a better representation of the past 6 weeks...

Aisling and I thoroughly enjoying the beach! (Thanks to Ashley for sending the best sun hat to me! xox!)

 

Everyone at the beach!





My continuity patient with her newborn son. (Sadly, I was away in Bugnay when she delivered)

One of my two Easter babies, little Valerie. She is wrapped in one of many blankets
that came in a wonderful box from Canada this week.

The twins, Irish and Iliza, their parents, and some of the Abundant midwives.

The beautiful girls on the night they were born. Both so healthy!



It appears we have a new mascot! A little goat was waiting for Edol, Rebekah, and I on our nightly walk.

While two of the Davao students were here, Danielle and Tori, I had the opportunity to take a couple days away with them and head up to the clinic in Bugnay. I hadn't been back to Bugnay since the first time in September, and I was thrilled to go! While we were there, we spent a day driving/riding motors/hiking to a more remote village called Loccong, to do outreach (devotion, pre-natals, and health teaching). The trek there didn't go quite as planned, but it turned out to be even more fun in my opinion. The girls from here kept talking to me about our options to get to Loccong in the week leading up to the trip. It was (1)Drive a bit, hike the rest of the way, hike back, or (2)Drive a bit, take motors, hike back. Obviously one option stood out to me more. The motors. The motors would be way too scary, I was told. Perfect. Loved that option even more. Unfortunately, option 1 was chosen. Sunday morning came, and we began our drive up to Butbut Proper, the village from which we would hike to Loccong. About 10 minutes from Butbut Proper, we hit a snag. They were doing construction on the road and had decided to lay concrete... right in the middle! This left us with one viable option (one option was walk...), wait for motors to come pick us up. Needless to say, I was thrilled!! Let me tell you, the girls were right when they said it was scary. If you have seen the series Long Way Around or Long Way Down, try to picture the off-road conditions that Charlie and Ewan always complain about. It was worse. And on a huge incline. And with a sheer cliff on one side for a good chunk of the ride. But gosh, it was awesome! It's moments like those where I stop and think "Is this really my life?!". I feel immensely blessed to be able to experience little adventures like that, while on the way to visit pregnant moms and love on them. It's a life richer than I could have imagined.
Here are a couple pictures from that weekend:

Waiting for motors to come and pick us up

Demonstrating positions for delivery - such as Hands and Knees

Tori, myself, and Danielle with some of the mothers in Loccong

The beautiful rice terraces hiking home :)

Quick break on our hike!

We made it... such a fun day!

When I think back to this time last year, it's amazing to me that I was just starting to fundraise and plan for the excitement ahead. And exciting it has been. It's crazy that I get to come home soon for a break, and then come back in my second year! The home stretch. It is also crazy to me that it's time to start fundraising again for the year ahead. I can't lie - this part is hard. It's so challenging. You think that it would get easier, and maybe it does, but I haven't experienced that yet. However, through the challenges, I have grown and learned lessons (well, I try to learn them anyways, but sometimes it takes a couple tries!). Important lessons about God's faithfulness. About how I can trust him completely. About how he brings things to completion. About how his plan is so very good - so much better than I can plan myself. I'm sure life would be easier if I just learned all these things the first time around, but what can I say - I'm human. I know that while the number may seem great and the task too much to bear at times, He has conquered it all already.
With that being said, this is where I am at:

• Many of you probably do not know yet that I will actually be here until sometime in October of 2015. While I was supposed to be finished in early August, some things were switched around with our class such as getting an extra month off in the summer, which means that we are needing to stay until a little bit later. Due to this, my budget has increased slightly. Very slightly.
• For the next portion of my time here (Aug to Feb), I am needing to raise $8,000. This amount includes all of my clinic fees, as well as a small amount for living expenses. These fees are due on August 1st.
• Raising this money, while still challenging at times, has taken on a whole new life to me than last year. Last year I could only imagine how far this money would go. This year, I can see it with my own eyes. It has been absolutely amazing to be here, working with these women day in and day out, and seeing the benefit of supporting this clinic. It truly makes such a difference. My clinic fees go directly to ensuring that Abundant can continue to provide women with highly necessary maternity care, in a faith and care centered environment. I have always thought that midwifery was such a practical way to be the hands and feet of Christ, but over the past year, the truth of that has really been brought to life. And I am so thankful.
• When I fundraise, I'm not just asking you to believe in and support the journey that God has me on, but I'm asking you to support the ministry of midwifery that I have the privilege to be a part of. My true hope is that you will look beyond me, and see the babies and mothers that we serve here at Abundant. It's about them. Not me.
• If you want to read up more on the work being done here, check out www.gthemidwife.com

How can you help?

• One-time donations, monthly donations, bi-monthly donations - really whatever suits you!
• Every $ goes far. Feel like donating $30 a month for 14 months? We can set that up!
• If monthly isn't your thing, your one-time donation of $5-$500 (or whatever works for you!) is so welcomed.
• Pray. Prayer is key. Pray with me that these finances will be provided so that I can continue my work here. Pray that we will continue to see growth and blessing over the clinic. Pray for our patients.
• Have questions or suggestions? Please contact me! I would be so happy to chat with you!

Thank you for supporting me in everything thus far. It's quite awesome to look back on all the things that have been provided in the past year that have allowed me to actually be here! I was able to raise enough for my entire first year, and then also received such generous support when some pretty large financial issues (needing a new computer and the visa process being much more than originally planned) came up. God is so good and I have no doubt that provision will continue!

Thanks for reading, friends! See you in Canada soon!!

Much love,
A

'What are you called?' vs. 'What is your calling?'

Hi Friends!

I can't believe it is March 12 already! Yikes. It's actually a little scary how fast time is flying by. Won't be long now before I am on a plane home for a nice break this summer.

The past couple weeks have been busy, full, and refreshing! Edolbina, my classmate up here, and I were finally able to make the trek to Davao to hang out with the rest of our class for just over a week. This was our first time being together as a complete class, and first time I have been reunited with the girls who were able to go to the Oregon orientation before flying here.
Can I just brag a bit?
My class is stellar. Seriously. These women blow me away. Everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, and they all manage to complement each others strengths and weaknesses with such unity. It was such a joy to be around them. I don't say it lightly when I say that I am immensely blessed to be learning and growing alongside them not only as a midwife, but as a woman.
Here is a couple pictures of our time together:

Baby shower for Edolbina

Edol and I survived IV insertions... and we still love each other!

We all passed IV class thanks to our amazing teacher, Joy!

The whole class. Some of the best women I know :)

 

 

 

As much as I loved our time in Davao, I was very excited to be back at home in Tabuk. I had missed the girls here (especially their roaring laughter while watching Showtime), our patients, my bed, and the fresh "mountain" air.

 

 

Some thoughts:

I've been thinking a bit these days about identity. The topic came up a couple times while chatting with girls in my class as well. Identity is a tricky thing. I've always thought so anyway. My life here is very much focused around midwifery. Obviously. Which I love. Midwifery can be an all consuming thing. There can be (and if we are completely honest, IS) a heck of a lot of pressure to eat, sleep, and breathe all things pregnancy, birth, and baby. Sometimes it's pressure from peers, sometimes it's pressure we place on ourselves. I have come to the place a couple times where I felt that pressure was overwhelming. There is a strange sense of guilt felt when maybe you actually don't want to read another book about birth, or you don't hear angels singing (cut me some slack. I'm allowed to exaggerate a bit!) when you palpate a 36 week belly and the baby kicks you (which is so cool), or maybe, just maybe, you get sick of so many birth blogs on your facebook page and go on a deleting rampage. I started to wonder where that guilt came from and after some prayer, thinking, and some great conversations with friends, this is where I have landed:

 

I am Alex first. And a midwife second. I cannot eat-sleep-breathe midwifery, because when I do, I loose sight of who I actually am, why I want to be a midwife, and why I love it. Do I feel like this is my calling? Well, yes. I believe without a doubt that God has brought me to this place and that he is the one who placed this skill on my heart and cultivated my passion for it. But, if I loose sight of what God calls me (my true identity), then I miss the fullness of the "calling". Does that make sense even with the somewhat cliché terminology?

Midwifery is about a whole lot more than the knowledge of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. It's about being with people. Building relationships. Being a trustworthy, reliable person. It's about being relatable. It's about humility. It's about selflessness. It's about embracing differences. It's about strength.

What I have come to is that - I am not able to be the midwife that I want to be if I loose sight of who I am outside of midwifery. If I am not first a person who women can trust, then I can't build relationships. If I am not about to humble myself, then I will not be respected. If I am not able to be selfless, well, then I'd get more sleep ;)! If I'm not able to embrace differences, then that cuts me a way from pretty much everyone. This could go on, but I'm guessing you get it.

Don't allow yourself to be so consumed by your "calling", that you forget what YOU are actually called.

 

I'll finish with that. It's just my thoughts, my challenges, and my opinion. Take from it what you wish :)

 

Please continue to pray for the work being done here at the clinic. It is such an honour to be a part of things here and to see the real impact this clinic has on the lives of our sweet pregnant women around Tabuk!

 

Much love,

A

 

 

 

 



 

Living Simply...

Hi Friends,

Again I find myself writing this much later than I would have hoped. I'd love to be one of those people who could write something every two or three weeks at least, but with the amount of writing that I do for my studies here, my brain can't always find useful or exciting things to say when it comes to blogging. Words often fail the experience of this place.

Today we celebrated Kalinga Day! Well, it's officially tomorrow, but today we were able to see a parade and the playing of 1000 gongs. It was amazing. Made me fall in love with Kalinga even more. Different tribes from all over the province of Kalinga came together today to celebrate unity and reconciliation. This celebration involved tribal dancing and the playing of the gongs. It was cool to see each tribe pass in the parade, each looking similar with their dress in beautiful Kalinga colors and fabrics, and also similar in their playing of the gongs and dancing; yet, there was still something that set each tribe apart. After the parade, everyone assembled at the Capital (it's like a huge dirt arena). They had a ceremony, sang some songs, then had all the gong players come into the center of the arena. As ALL the gongs played together, they moved the formation to say Kalinga Shines. To finish things off, they lit a torch in the middle of the area to signify unity of the tribes. It was awesome to watch (and it was almost consolation for not being able to watch any of the Olympics)!



Dancers and Gong Players

 

 



Walking with what felt like all of Tabuk up to the Capital... 

Something that has been on my heart in the past couple months has been the idea of living simply... what does that mean, and how does it look? The fact that I should write about it was solidified today when a lady sat down beside me at the Kalinga ceremony. After comparing our skin colors and asking if we could trade, she asked me all the other usual questions... "How long are you here for?" "Did you marry here?" "How old are you?" and, most importantly "Do you like Kalinga?" My response to that is always an enthusiastic "Yes! I love it!", because I really do. This place is amazing and I'm thankful to be here. She responded to me with beautiful words "We live a simple life here, but we are very happy".

It is a simple life here. It's true. But the longer I am here, the more I realize that that is the best possible life I could choose for myself. Don't get me wrong though, I don't believe that living simply is measured by material possessions or lack there of, but rather, the importance that is placed on those possessions vs. other, more lasting things. From what I have come to see here, people don't define their lives based on what they are lacking, but instead what they are RICH in. They are rich in family, rich in friendships, rich in quality time, rich in sharing their lives. The kids of our neighborhood are not always whining and complaining for a new toy, instead they recognize that they have two flip flops and many flip flops between them and their friends, and thus, a game is born! Would a new toy be welcomed, of course! But it is not the focus. This isn't a want vs. need discussion as I am sure if we are all honest with ourselves, we understand where that line is drawn (even though we rarely draw it), but more a question of what is important to you? For the kids, playing with their friends is MUCH more important than the prospect of a new toy. For me, living the life that God has placed in front of me fully is much more important than the financial or material security that I find when I am home (as appealing as a splurge at JoeFresh may be!). Financial security is not wrong, it's actually quite valuable (which is something I can say with a LOT of experience to back it), but has it become your main priority? Material possessions are not bad, but what drives you to them? I'm not trying to drastically change the way you think as I don't believe that is my place. But in sharing what is on my heart, I hope that it provokes thought. I hope that when I do come back to Canada, that I will be able to say "I live a simple life here, but I am very happy".
(Take a read of Matthew 6:19-21... it's a great reminder).

I'll leave you with a little update on Birth Sponsorships :) January was a wonderful, productive month, made even better by the response to birth sponsorships. I'm thrilled to say that 17 births of my goal of 26 were sponsored. How great is that. It is so fun to be able to send little footprints across the ocean to those who have sponsored, and from what I hear, it is also fun for them to be received. Thank you for continually being a part of the things happening here at Abundant. It is such a blessing. If at any point you would like to sponsor a birth, it is always welcomed. The cost is $80-100 CDN and, as said before, I will send you footprints and a little story about the birth you sponsored. When you donate, please specify "birth sponsorship" in the PayPal message.

As always, fundraising is an ongoing thing in my life for the next year and a half still. It is not my favorite part of this journey. In fact, it's my least favorite. However, it is absolutely amazing to see God provide in some crazy ways. I have no doubt that that will continue as time goes on. If at any point, you feel that you would like to donate to my time here and the things happening at Abundant, it will always be welcomed with immense gratitude. Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions at all regarding specifics.

Much love to you!
A

OH! How could I forget.. such exciting news. I booked my trip home for the summer! Thankful for God's provision of a great flight. Can't wait to see everyone and a bit of a Canadian summer!!