'What are you called?' vs. 'What is your calling?'

Hi Friends!

I can't believe it is March 12 already! Yikes. It's actually a little scary how fast time is flying by. Won't be long now before I am on a plane home for a nice break this summer.

The past couple weeks have been busy, full, and refreshing! Edolbina, my classmate up here, and I were finally able to make the trek to Davao to hang out with the rest of our class for just over a week. This was our first time being together as a complete class, and first time I have been reunited with the girls who were able to go to the Oregon orientation before flying here.
Can I just brag a bit?
My class is stellar. Seriously. These women blow me away. Everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, and they all manage to complement each others strengths and weaknesses with such unity. It was such a joy to be around them. I don't say it lightly when I say that I am immensely blessed to be learning and growing alongside them not only as a midwife, but as a woman.
Here is a couple pictures of our time together:

Baby shower for Edolbina

Edol and I survived IV insertions... and we still love each other!

We all passed IV class thanks to our amazing teacher, Joy!

The whole class. Some of the best women I know :)

 

 

 

As much as I loved our time in Davao, I was very excited to be back at home in Tabuk. I had missed the girls here (especially their roaring laughter while watching Showtime), our patients, my bed, and the fresh "mountain" air.

 

 

Some thoughts:

I've been thinking a bit these days about identity. The topic came up a couple times while chatting with girls in my class as well. Identity is a tricky thing. I've always thought so anyway. My life here is very much focused around midwifery. Obviously. Which I love. Midwifery can be an all consuming thing. There can be (and if we are completely honest, IS) a heck of a lot of pressure to eat, sleep, and breathe all things pregnancy, birth, and baby. Sometimes it's pressure from peers, sometimes it's pressure we place on ourselves. I have come to the place a couple times where I felt that pressure was overwhelming. There is a strange sense of guilt felt when maybe you actually don't want to read another book about birth, or you don't hear angels singing (cut me some slack. I'm allowed to exaggerate a bit!) when you palpate a 36 week belly and the baby kicks you (which is so cool), or maybe, just maybe, you get sick of so many birth blogs on your facebook page and go on a deleting rampage. I started to wonder where that guilt came from and after some prayer, thinking, and some great conversations with friends, this is where I have landed:

 

I am Alex first. And a midwife second. I cannot eat-sleep-breathe midwifery, because when I do, I loose sight of who I actually am, why I want to be a midwife, and why I love it. Do I feel like this is my calling? Well, yes. I believe without a doubt that God has brought me to this place and that he is the one who placed this skill on my heart and cultivated my passion for it. But, if I loose sight of what God calls me (my true identity), then I miss the fullness of the "calling". Does that make sense even with the somewhat cliché terminology?

Midwifery is about a whole lot more than the knowledge of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. It's about being with people. Building relationships. Being a trustworthy, reliable person. It's about being relatable. It's about humility. It's about selflessness. It's about embracing differences. It's about strength.

What I have come to is that - I am not able to be the midwife that I want to be if I loose sight of who I am outside of midwifery. If I am not first a person who women can trust, then I can't build relationships. If I am not about to humble myself, then I will not be respected. If I am not able to be selfless, well, then I'd get more sleep ;)! If I'm not able to embrace differences, then that cuts me a way from pretty much everyone. This could go on, but I'm guessing you get it.

Don't allow yourself to be so consumed by your "calling", that you forget what YOU are actually called.

 

I'll finish with that. It's just my thoughts, my challenges, and my opinion. Take from it what you wish :)

 

Please continue to pray for the work being done here at the clinic. It is such an honour to be a part of things here and to see the real impact this clinic has on the lives of our sweet pregnant women around Tabuk!

 

Much love,

A