Unswervingly, but not.

Over the past week, I feel as though I have somehow been brought back to the place I was in last time this year. Last year, when I was preparing to move to the Philippines and start this journey, I was so excited, hopeful, and invested in the road ahead, but I also struggled with quite a bit of doubt. I had $15,000 to raise in 3 months. A task that seemed impossible. I often felt very overwhelmed by that number and it was a challenge to live in faith that this would come to fruition. I am again feeling very challenged by this task, even though the number is now a smaller $6,500 left to raise for this semester. I wish I could say that I always trust completely that I will again see provision and will be able to go back to finish this task, but honestly, I don't. I'm human. My faith falters. Doubt creeps in. Distrust overwhelms.

As I was driving into the Soo from my sister's house 20 minutes outside of town the other day, I was hit with the idea of “what if I can't go back?”. My heart broke and I sobbed as I drove. That was a thought I hadn't faced in a long time, yet it was still hiding somewhere deep in my mind. After the tears and hysterics dried up (thankfully before I got into town and looked like the crazy crying lady in my car), I was able to come to peace in the fact that whatever reality I face in the next few months, it does not change who God is. Doesn't change that he is faithful. Doesn't change that he provides. Doesn't change that he is in control. Doesn't change that I can trust him. The only thing that changes is that I, again and again, learn to live in surrender knowing that his plan is greater.

Daily I am challenged to trust that provision will come. I am always facing my own kind of impossible. It's not comfortable, and it sure isn't fun. But it is stretching, it's character building, and it is so darn amazing when the “impossible” is proven wrong. I woke up this morning determined to live in the possibility rather than not and came across this verse:

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

Unswervingly can be an intense word. I feel a lot more swervingly than un. However, I can hold to the fact that he who promised is faithful. Unswerving means to remain constant and steady. Constant and steady, regardless of the uncertainty surrounding me. Challenging? yes. But through Christ and him alone - possible.

 

I have always promised myself that in walking this journey of support raising, living in the Philippines, serving God on the mission field he has placed me in, and learning to practically share the love of Christ through midwifery care, that I would be honest and transparent. This is what that looks like. I'm not always together, my faith isn't always strong, life isn't perfect - surprise surprise :) But, it is GOOD, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Where it's at:
In order to go back to the Philippines to continue serving and finish my training, I need to raise $6,500 still. That is $1,500 down from my semester goal of $8,000. This is due on Aug 1st. The next fees, of $8,000 again, will be due on Feb 1, 2015. It's a long road ahead, and I know that. But every cent has been provided before and I am believing it will again.
If you are interested in partnering with me, any amount goes a long way! Just click the donate button to the right and let me know if you have any questions. If you would like to chat more about the work being done, I would be more than happy to do so!


Thanks for reading, friends!

A